rusrus.com . Fantasy Football . FF2k4 . Newsletters . Week 4

Xenophobic? Just Ask Big Russ
In a Week 3 bitching, Big Russ fell to the visiting Trunk Monkeys (visiting from Uganda, that is). The final score was 39 to 68 - Big Russ will donate the weekly $5 for having the lowest score.

With unparalleled hatred for all things foreign, Big Russ has taken-up arms against the leagues expatriates. "Be on notice. I have taken steps to revoke your citizenship. I will use all the power and trappings of my position as Treasurer of the Falcon Greens Homeowners Association to ensure your future lives as part-time Americans will be hellish, at best!" Commissioner Ruszkowski ranted during a recent pancake breakfast held at his home. Ruszkowski's family sat in wonder at the unprovoked declaration, as they were the only ones in attendance. Later that evening, Commissioner Ruszkowski's wife, Michele Ruszkowski, increased his dosage of brain medicine.

Loungers like it on the Bottom
In an attempt to continue their losing ways, Long Eared Loungers lose another Fantasy Football game - this time to the hated Smokin' Bonecrushers.

In a virtual blow-out, the Loungers fell to Wheeler's Bonecrushers 75 to 102 - it would have been much worse without respectable performances from Monday night players: Trent Green, Jamal Lewis, and Matt Stover. One might ask, with that marquis talent, how can the Loungers be so bad?

Theories recently made more famous by this year's Nobel laureate for Physics might help explain. It's the "strong" force - this is the force that keeps quarks (quarks are basic building blocks of nuclear material) from being discovered outside an atom's nucleus. I hope this helps.

A Full-On Dago Shocker
In the only Week 4 family battle, G-Man's Army of Darkness beat Fast Eddie's Hired Goons in a cousin-on-cousin battle.

While most have already written-off G-Man, they were able to prevail over Fast Eddie in the first of two scheduled games. Much like the Chicago Bears and their plans to "at least beat the Green Bay Packers," G-Man made a pre-season statement. "I will probably go 2-11, but I want those two victories to be over my cousin." G-Man owner Greg Arvanitakis then proceeded to give the "kiss of death" to all in attendance.

The Ball Busters Continue Coaching Supremacy
The Ball Busters lose their third game in a row after another questionable coaching performance. Two of the Ball Busters players were not active for Sunday's game: Morten Andersen and Roy Williams. In reality, neither of the two players replacements would have done enough to win the game - maybe we're all witnessing the crafty coaching moxie that will earn The Ball Busters their first championship. Maybe not; Reports from the Ball Busters front office have indicated that Rich Frank, the Ball Busters owner, in under investigation and will be on team probation until his performance improves.

The Kama Sutra Kobras, the beneficiary of the Ball Busters poor performance in Week 4 was just happy to rack-up another tick in the win column. "I need all the help I can get - I face Big Russ in week 5, and I have heard rumors of his pre-game antics: sodomy, patricide, and obscene gestures - to name a few," quaked Kobras owner Troy Snethen from the secure "phone room" at the US Embassy in New Delhi.

Further investigation revealed that the Big Russ intimidation rumors are all true...

Punks Embarrassed by Educator
In a 40 point loss, the Drunken Punks lose 65 to 105 to LZ Historians. This 40 point margin is the highest losing (or winning) margin in the league so far. From all the hype, one might have thought that the Roecker's Drunken Punks would have stepped-up for the game. The answer is clearly, "Sadly, no."

The Drunken Punks chose poorly when it came to defense: the Titans lost 12 points for the punks, but there was no saving this failure - even if Roecker played all the correct players, he would have come-up short.

LZ Historians, on the other hand, cruised to an easy win with fine performances from all players except his defense: Jaguars sucked this week. In addition to Roecker's balls, which must now be surrendered to the Historians, Greg Michels also wins the weekly $5.

League News:
The pick-up schedule has changed. Check last week's email for the details.