rusrus.com . Fantasy Football . FF2k4 . Newsletters . Week 5

Kobra Bites Really Hurt
Big Russ lost a close one to the Kama Sutra Kobras in week 5 as friggin' Derrick Mason just couldn't lay down. Big Russ nursed a 6 point lead heading into Monday night football: Titans at the Packers. As Commissioner Ruszkowski explained to Mrs. Commissioner, "all we need is for Derrick Mason to not get a touchdown or 60 yards." Alas, it was not to be... ON A DAMN TRICK PLAY, MASON GETS A LOUSY TOUCHDOWN. Ah well, it's not like I'm bitter, or something... I suppose I could blame myself for not starting Chris Brown, but it's easier to blame Derrick Mason.

On another note, the Kobras left 75 points on the bench in week 5. Super-performances from Marcus Robinson (29 points) and Ryan Longwell (22 points) might have gone un-noticed.

Loungers Destroyed Again
In a shocker to all, the Loungers lost a squeaker to the league educator: LZ Historians. Let's not quibble, the word "squeaker" might not apply, but the line was 38 points - the Historians won by 39.

In an effort to uncover what might be wrong on his team, Loungers owner Tim Hinman has enlisted the help of ABC's John Madden as a "team consultant." According to Lounger front-office staff, Madden has already made a difference. "Yeah, he's always talking about the 'booms and the bams.' It's really distracting. Also, he never stops talking about the '85 Bears. What's with this guy?" remarked a staffer that preferred to remain anonymous - especially in light of the huge fees Madden has been charging the Blue Division bottom feeders.

The Loungers 61 point score was the week 5 low, and a crisp new credit for $5 has been added to the ledger in the Long Eared Lounger's honor.

Trunk Monkeys Swoop-In for a Beating
Making a special appearance in Chicago last week, the Trunk Monkeys punctuated their visit with a full-on beating of the Smokin' Bonecrushers: 131 to 90. The 41-point spread was the largest margin of victory of the week, and the season (so far). It was quite an honor for the man who brought us the farting chicken.

Franz's week 5 performance was the best of the week, and a $5 bill has been earmarked for his use. Special notice to Daunte Culpepper's performance: 49 points - WOW!

Fast Eddie Busts the Balls of the Ball Busters
In a close one, Fast Eddie's Hired Goons edged-out the Ball Busters by 4 points. While neither team was notable (66 to 62), there was one great performance: John Kasay. Kasay kicked for 17 points and would have won the game for the Ball Busters if he was active. Oh, too bad! The Ball Busters continue their coaching supremacy.

It was a suck-fest, and now we know who can suck the hardest.

G-Man: This is a Football League
Posting 62 points in week 5, G-Man's Army of Darkness lost huge to the Drunken Punks. DP earned 100 points, easily dismissing G-Man's Army by 38 points.

For week 6, G-Man may want to hunt for the light switch: they face the Kama Sutra Kobras who have developed a taste for blood.

League News:
No news is good news.