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Big Russ: A History Lesson
With another loss, Big Russ' record has slipped to tie a franchise low of 2-4. When did the other infamous 2-4 Big Russ record occur...? The year was 2001. The Producers cleaned-up at the Tony awards, J Lo shook-it daily on MTV to the tune of "Love Don't Cost a Thing," and America said goodbye to Joey Ramone. Also, who could forget the stuttered football season at the hands of fanatical Omani terrorists. Yes, we were a naïve country back then. 2001 was also the year of Big Russ' rise to prominence. In week 15, the Orange Division Championship game, G-Man's Army of Darkness snatched victory from Big Russ with none other than Torry Holt. That little faggot (make your own correlation - who's the faggot) cost Big Russ the game, the season, and a chance at sweet sweet redemption for a live wasted on booze, hookers, and guns. Alas, it was not meant to be. G-Man was destined to lose in the Russ Bowl to The Drunken Punks, and Big Russ was destined to sink into the lowly funk that has clouded the annals of Fantasy Football lore since. Fast-forward three years, and you'll find Big Russ in the same dire straits. Could this be the eve of Big Russ' greatest triumph? You'll have to wait and see. The road to victory goes straight through LZ Historians in week 7. Now that there's blood in the water, it's feeding time.

In other Lounger news, Mike Clayton had a career day against Big Russ - surprisingly earning 14 points. Who in the hell had ever heard of this guy? That's exactly the player profile the Long Eared Loungers are looking for: unknowns who can pull the horseshoe out of their ass at game-time. Dammit!

Bonecrushers Crush Goon Bones
In a close one, 78-73, the overtly hated Smokin' Bonecrushers slip past Fast Eddie's Hired Goons. Impressive performance from Brett Favre helped Wheeler and the Boners stop the bleeding in week 6, and retain 2nd place in the Blue Division. Fast Eddie, on the other hand, began bleeding as he slipped into 3rd place in the Orange Division, thus marking the beginning of the Segreti annual decline toward the basement. The only difference in 2004 was that the Goons enjoyed 1st place for a brief moment - that moment is now gone.

Lets look at the numbers: you might notice that the points against The Smokin' Bonecrushers is 583. That's more than the "points for" for every team except the Trunk Monkeys (league leader in points). Some might lament at this fact - complaining that he has the hardest schedule in FF2k4 - we know who he is. The rest of us relish in the fact that all Wheeler's weekly opponents bring their A-game to that scumbag. Eventually his luck will run-out, and he won't be able to match a 118 opponent with a 131 score. Dammit!

Historians: Bitch-Slapped by Culpepper
Culpepper's 45 points on Sunday provided a nice victory cushion for Shawn Franz's Trunk Monkeys. The final score was 91 to 108, LZ Historians fell-short by only 17 points. If Culpepper had only scored 27 points in week 6, like most mortal quarterbacks, LZ would have won - imagine that!

Shawn Franz wins another weekly $5 prize - that makes his 2nd $5 prize of the season.

G-Man Beats the Kobras
G-Man, and Torry Holt, whoop the Kama Sutra Kobras in a week 6 battle. On Sunday, the Kobras coaching prowess was impressive. Byron Leftwich had a great game - earning 33 points. With the lead and two players remaining, you would have thought the Kobras had this one in the bag. In comes Torry Holt. Holt's 26 points compared to a Wilkins-Bruce combination of 3 points was enough for G-Man to slide into an Orange Division 4th place position - otherwise it would have been a share of Last place.

Speaking of Last Place...
Since you brought it up... Orange division last place, and the worst record in the following categories: standings, points for, losing streak, defense points, and nose hair goes to the beloved Ball Busters. "Beloved," because we all love to play against him.

You might have thought that his coaching could not sink lower. Two weeks ago today, The Ball Busters "rededicated himself to beating the crap out of someone." Sadly, the person he targeted was himself. No one can beat the Ball Busters better than Ball Buster GM Rich Frank. Since the re-dedication, the Ball Busters has lost two straight - a week 6 coaching decision to start Detroit defense against Green Bay was highly dubious. Many in the league think he's trying the "Major League" strategy: have a record so awful, the city will allow you out of your contract, and you can move the team to Florida. Please tell me that's the strategy - because, if it isn't, then I can't explain the poor performance.

Oh, Rich also gets to cough-up the $5 this week for a score of 52 - thanks!