Big Russ: There is Room for Improvement
After a crushing week 1 victory over The Drunken Punks, Big Russ was dealt a completely different hand: a loss. Big Russ found themselves ill-prepared for a raging Long Eared Lounger team last weekend; a team that was able to gather a share of the weekly top prize ($5).
Big Russ' woes began with the total ineffectiveness of Daunte Culpepper - arguably Big Russ' greatest player, and their current greatest liability. "Daunte just hasn't developed as we might have wished. He's currently in the team basement having the screws put to him. Expect to see an entirely different Daunte Culpepper this Sunday!" remarked Big Russ team torturer and Procurement Officer.
Long Eared Loungers came-alive in week 2. Bouncing off a 68-68 tie loss in week 1, the Loungers were basically given the win - the Lounger bench scored more that the active Lounger team. Is this God working for the Loungers or God working against Big Russ - you tell me...
In a personnel note: this week's story about Laveranues Coles' sexual abuse certainly got things moving in the Big Russ Office of Team Morale, Sexual Abuse Prevention, and Winning. A Big Russ spokesman commented on the story, "We're all working in Laveranues' behalf - thanks to fastidious owners like Dave Wheeler for trawling the web looking for stories of sexual abuse." Dave Wheeler was unavailable for comment - sources say he was busy deleting incriminating material from home and work computers.

Drunken Punks - The New Segreti
For the second week in a row, The Drunken Punks crumbled under slight pressure. There's a word for that - soufflé. Punks, you are the league soufflé. While soufflés are generally sweet or savory (think chocolate or cheese soufflés), the Drunken Punk soufflé is pathetic and disgusting.
With only one player in double-digits, the Drunken Punks put-together 48 points. That was just enough to be the lowest scoring team of the week, and the donor of the weekly top prize: $5. Thanks again Roecker - I only wish that I were the recipient of your sweaty fin.
The Ball Busters, Roecker's week 2 beneficiary, were certainly in a "right place right time" scenario. As the weekly second lowest score, the Ball Busters were a "Randy Moss" away from league scorn (while the Ball Busters are still scorned by the league, official scorn is only given to the lowest scoring team of the week).
The post-week 2 most telling move: the Drunken Punks exchanged four players so far - maybe they've seen the writing on the wall, or maybe the $10 lost over the past two weeks was enough of a sign that things weren't going to get better on their own. Judging from Roecker's roster moves, things aren't going to get better with his help either. Roecker: rest easy with the knowledge that FF2k5 only has 11 weeks to go.

Wheeler Gets the Finger from Plaxico
Losing is difficult to accept. Losing by three points is more difficult. Losing by three points AND scoring 104 points is the most difficult.
The scenario described above was none other than Wheeler. The Smokin' Bonecrushers totally shot the wad in week 2 and still came-up short (something that happens in the Wheeler bedroom I'm told). In a near-perfectly coached game, Wheeler artfully used almost every weapon in the arsenal: then there was Plaxico. Burress, and his six points, rode the bench on Monday night as Chris Chambers two points were already in the bag. That four point differential would have been enough for two chances at week 2 honor: a victory over G-Man's Army of Darkness for one, and the league high score. Sadly, for Wheeler, he achieved none of these. A losing score of 104 is just a sad footnote of what might have been. Coincidentally, that's a frequently uttered phrase used to describe the mystique of the Wheeler. Interesting.
G-Man's Army of Darkness rolled over Wheeler - and would have beat any team this week including the Long Eared Loungers who will share the $5 top prize. It's creepy that G-Man and the Loungers had the same score two weeks in a row AND that G-Man would have won both in the tie-breaker. Watch for week 3 weirdness and then we can send a mob of peasants to G-Man's door with torches and pitchforks. Maybe we should do that anyway...

It's All Missionary Style in Baghdad
Perhaps the greatest comeback of the week would have to go to the Baghdad Bombers. Santana Moss, in a Monday night fit of usefulness, brought-back 29 points for the Bombers. Trailing by 26 points going-in to Monday's games, Franz didn't have much of a chance: the wily Kama Sutra had clouded Franz's mind with images of Indian women wrapped around snakes and such (that's a weird book). But the Bombers would not be deterred. After an extra dose of saltpeter, Franz's wang hung limp - he was able to concentrate on the task at hand: winning.
And he won - Franz's performance was the true definition of "winning ugly." I would like to think that many coaching mistakes were made, but they weren't. The entire Bomber organization laid-down in week 2 (Franz only had 35 points on the bench). It was just an ugly ugly win.
If the Baghdad Bombers won ugly, the Kama Sutra Kobras lost even a little uglier. With 43 Donovan McNabb points, you would think that the Kobras were in perfect position to take the weekly top prize - think again. A total score of 77 meant that 34 points from the other seven positions were all Snethen could muster: pathetic. Darrell Jackson and Donte' Stallworth are sure to see some action in week 3 - if only to validate their being the #3 and #4 top Kama Sutra scorers in week 2. Too bad they were riding the pine. An activation of either one of these players would have been enough to win against Baghdad Betty and keep you out of the Blue Division basement.

Fast Eddie on Fire ...is that right??
Fantasy Football perennial loser, Fast Eddie's Hired Goons, was able to add another impressive win in week 2, 105-62. Also, with 196 points earned, the Goons are the league-leading scorers. Wow! The next question that comes to mind is, "When will it end?" We all know that it will...
Segreti's impressive win shadows his continuing coaching ineptness. While he activated players able to amass 105 points, his bench was equally impressive with 104 points. A quick perusal of the bench shows that a Segreti score of 144 was possible. I guess the old Segreti was here all along... Eventually, the famed "luck of the Italian" will wear-off, and Segreti will be found trying to suck football knowledge from the jockstraps of the Northwestern University football practice squad locker room- his usual autumn haunt.
As a week 1 stud, Costco Shoppers might have slipped-into complacency. With 62 points, the Shoppers were hoping that Fast Eddie's Hired Goons would revert to form and lose. An uncharacteristic win by the Goons fazed the Shoppers - their quest for football dominance in 2005 has ended. A new goal of 12-1 has been edited in to the team playbook, and the Costco Shoppers look to un-derail themselves in week 3 against the Drunken Punks. Oh, easy money...