Big Russ: Finally Free of the Lure of Culpepper
In what might have been a second straight Big Russ triumph, there was a whimper – then a loud crack – then a “oh, dammit it hurts!” – then a quiet sobbing in the corner.
Big Russ lost yet another game – this time at the hands of the pit-stained owner of the Ball Busters. Big Russ’ 43 points was a record fifth low-score of the season (with five games remaining, the record has only been updated in pencil). Big Russ’ woes began with Daunte – yes, the same Daunte that was elevated to football stardom when accompanied by Randy Moss and a viable offensive line. Alas, that Daunte is no more. That Daunte is dead, but the memories remained. As long as Daunte was healthy, it was hard to lay-off. After all, he “did” have the ability to break-open a game to the 40-point level of his past. Now, with Daunte’s NFL season over, the nightmares for Big Russ are over: fate says “no Daunte – think of something else!” Relief at last...
For the Ball Busters, 83 points was definitely in the bottom half of the league scorers this week: good thing you played Big Russ this week. Even with the stable of reliable Ball Busters on the bench this week, there was no wavering on the West Dundee side of the ball: the Ball Busters extracted 24 points from Tatum Bell (is that a real name?) and 18 from the newly injured Roethlisberger. Although, now that Manning is back from wherever he goes during a bye, the need for another quarterback is no more. Congratulations to Rich: you have weathered the bye week in style.
In other news, Big Russ forks-over yet another $5 bill. I’m running out of these things...

It’s Official: Roecker is better than Wheeler
The Drunken Punks, without even breathing hard, annihilated the Smokin’ Bonecrushers in week 8, 111 to 74. Man, that’s decisive.
Roecker, as is trying to prove something, let-out all the stops on Sunday and picked-apart the Wheeler team a piece at a time. “It’s as-if all the players hate Wheeler too” Roecker exclaimed. Judging from the out of character performances from the Punks this week, “hate” might have played a role in the game. Star Punks of week 8 include: Steven Jackson (23), Kevin Curtis (18), Tony Gonzales (15), Neil Rackers (21), and Jake Plummer (36) – Plummer’s points, however, were sequestered on the bench.
Wheeler didn’t have a chance in hell this weekend. 74 points on the field and 18 points on the bench – if he played 16 players, he still couldn’t hold Roecker’s jock this week. One Wheeler bright spot was the emergence of rushing star Marion Barber (24). Though this was probably one of those “one hit wonder” weeks that Wheeler seems to attract. Good luck starting Barber in week 10 when he’ll be spanked and made the bitch of the Eagles defense.

G-Man Wins Again – Continues Dominance
It’s as if there was a passing of the torch in San Diego this weekend – from LaDainian Tomlinson to Antonio Gates. Tomlinson, though versatile (passing TD no less), just isn’t the stud anymore. Gates’ 3 TDs and 145 receiving yards: there’s a new stud in town!
G-Man: Orange division leader and owner of the best record in football (7-1) looked like shit without Carson Palmer and Antonio Gates. Their two performances, 26 and 32 respectively) represented 62% of the entire G-Man total. The rest of the team were moping-around wondering if they could play too. The answer seemingly, was “no.” Check-out the G-Man bench – it might have been a $5 game (140 total possible points).
Loungers, what’s it like being the owner who left Tiki Barber on the bench during his career game? If I had a player like Tiki, he’d be active all the time – even during the bye week. Tiki alone would have made the difference and stopped the momentum of the G-Man as he slides toward a week 14 bye and a default position in the FF2k5 Russ Bowl – representing the Orange Division. Dammit!

From Worst to First – Take that, Shawn!
It’s not often that a team has the ability to go from a weekly low-score to a weekly high-score in one week, but check-out those Shoppers - a convincing win and dragging a team down to the basement to join him.
Well, let’s not get too crazy. It’s not like the Costco Shoppers had any skill this week – it was one of those “luck of the draw” type things. The Giants defense’s embarrassment of the Redskins had a couple of ripples felt throughout the game: Santana Moss might have scored and the Redskins defense might have held the Giants to a reasonable total. Both of these would have tipped the score total into a slightly more “Shawn” direction. But, neither of these happened, and we’re left with a huge Costco victory and second-straight Bomber loss. Here’s your $5 for winning the weekly top prize.
The Baghdad Bombers, still skulking-around Washington D.C., were doomed from the start. Once the Giants began to steamroller-over the Redskins, we all knew where this game was headed: a total of -8 for the Redskin defense – totally deplorable. My advice to you: get your ass back to Bagdad where you’ll be safe from fantasy football accountability.

Segreti: Less Hands-On, More Victories
Phoning it in from Hawaii is apparently good strategy for Fast Eddie’s Hired Goons. A honeymooning Segreti won big over a non-honeymooning Snethen in week 8. Maybe this was just a wedding gift.
Segreti certainly received gifts from the Goons in week 8: Fred Taylor (24), Terrell Owens (23), and Chicago Defense (16) all chipped-in for candlesticks. The Eagles defense (-23), safely on the bench, was seen stealing envelopes from the gift table.
The Kobras were the highest scoring losing team of week 8 (hope that eases the pain a bit), and had a performance that Big Russ dreams of (I truly do). But it just wasn’t enough. There might be something to that “marriage” thing. I advise all of us unmarried owners to get married immediately and married owners to ditch the first wives and find seconds. It could be the key to a FF2k5 post-season.