What Might Have Been Certainly Wasn’t
It was a week 9 squeaker: Big Russ narrowly ekes-out the loss in a close contest with league-leading G-Man’s Army of Darkness. Big Russ’ first week without Daunte looks like much of the same.
G-Man, clearly hurting without Priest Holmes and Domanick Davis, brought himself to the level of his opponent: this was clearly “Big Russ ball” on Sunday. G-Man’s 57 points, sadly, was enough to win: tying the 2nd lowest winning score of the season. Who could forget the lowest winning score of the season (Rocker’s week 6 score of 47 against a Big Russ effort of 41). Though coming-up with the win, G-Man tried hard to lose: the Tampa Bay defense, once so reliable, has fallen to a week 9 performance of -8. Or was that for the drama?
Big Russ, in his season’s closest loss, might have won the game – if it had only been Kasay instead of Feeley (that is to be written on the tombstone – make a note). Other Big Russ week 9 “almosts” include: Brunell’s 224 yards (one more yard for an additional point) and Moore’s 49 yards. While the playoffs are still in theoretical view, Big Russ might need a plane crash or two to realistically have a chance at the post-season.

Roecker’s Streak Ends – Balance Returns to the Universe
What do you do to top a victory over Wheeler? Well, if you’re Roecker, you give half the team the week-off and flop a bunch of pussies onto the field to embarrass your family.
Long Eared Loungers predictably rode the L-Train to victory again in week 9: LaDainian Tomlinson’s 34 points (nearly 40% of the total 88 LOL points). Sadly, the rest of the Lounger team looks just like a Big Russ team. Way to make that #1 pick work-out for you...
The Drunken Punks sank to a familiar low: having a kicker being the leading scorer of the team. Rackers’ 20 points was the best punk performance by four – Eli Manning’s 16 points was second best. Pathetic. But, when you’re faced with the “other” half of the team on vacation, what are you supposed to do? Roecker’s bench scored a record setting -14 points. Nice. I suppose that Roecker is one of those who subscribe to the belief that any press is good press.

Kobras Slither past Ball Busters into Honor
The Kama Sutra Kobras bested the Ball Busters to remain in a tie for second place in the Blue Division. The Ball Busters lose and remain in second place in the Orange Division.
The Kobras won by collecting nice performances from nearly every player on the roster: except Vinatieri – you should talk to that guy... Top Kobra of the week was the entire Carolina Defense: 23 points. The Kobra’s 105 points also earns Troy the weekly top prize: $5.
The Ball Busters, though turning-in a respectable score of 90, failed to connect with the truest talisman of football finesse: a victory. Rich’s problems began with McCardell (2 points) and spread to the Detroit Defense (2 points). But, you can’t blame him too much: the bench looks like shit too!

Remember Me on Your Long Trip Back to Hell
As if to say, “farewell,” Jason laid an Iraqi-style beating on Shawn in his last “stateside” appearance of the season.
Fast Eddie’s Hired Goons cruised to a 39 point victory largely on the back of Shaun Alexander who claimed 31 of 91 (that’s over 1/3!). Clearly missing from the Segreti offense in week 9: receivers. Not only do the scrubs playing for Segreti under whelm (Parker for zero and Smith for one), but he loses arguably the best receiver in the league because of a bad attitude. Well, if I were a player with a bad attitude (and you know I would have a bad attitude) then there’s no better home than the Hired Goons. Segreti’s soft-pedaled management approach coddles the mentally unbalanced: just like Mr. Carlson on WKRP in Cincinnati. Good luck replacing Owens. Yee ha, I love it when a plan comes-together.
There’s very little to say about Shawn’s 52 points. Except that we have a new $5 loser (whew). Shawn might have avoided total humiliation (and kept the humiliation on Big Russ) by playing the Washington Defense against Philadelphia (13 points) instead of the Baltimore Defense against Cincinnati (4 points). You wouldn’t have won, but you’d be $5 richer (or less-poor, it’s hard to rate a potential at not losing money). Now, cough-it-up Sally, Troy needs that money for penicillin.

As a Brother-in-Law, Wheeler Still Disappoints
After a week 1 spanking at the hands of the Costco Shoppers, Wheeler returned the favor with a spanking of his own – when he was finished with that he won over his brother-in-law.
The Smokin’ Bonecrushers, after acquiring Daunte’s replacement, was content to let Brad Johnson watch from the sidelines as Favre had another lousy performance. Maybe Favre is trying to tell you something, something like “I hate being a Bonecrusher!” Another Wheeler blunder was Willie Parker. Either Ricky Williams of Curtis Martin would have brought more honor to the Wheeler name in week 9. It’s almost like you just don’t care what people think of you – though that would explain a lot...
Costco Shoppers, though having a few nice bench scores, really had no chance. Apparently the Wheeler train was just bound to run you over in week 9 and you just had to sit and take it. It’s not all bad, however, you still have the bragging rites for Thanksgiving; 2005 scoring: Costco Shoppers 170 – Smokin’ Bonecrushers 146. In the brother-in-law contest, the edge goes to Michels.