Draft Recap

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Wow, what a marathon session! My fingers are still shaking after the FIVE HOURS OF CONSTANT TYPING! The good news is that I found-out the problem wasn’t related to us and our internet limitations, “Since last Monday, FantasyAuctioneer has been under a Denial of Service Attack.” Meaning that there was very little chance of our auction-draft taking-place… According to George, we’re to get out monies back – your bill will reflect the refund (of course)!

So, three/four days post-draft, and what do we have? Well, I’ll tell you: A GIGANTIC STEAMING PILE OF FOOTBALL-RELATED HORSESHIT, THAT’S WHAT! Well, maybe it’s not THAT bad, but I sure wouldn’t want to be in the marketing department of some of your teams… It reminds me of the crowd reaction to the “new” Cleveland Indians in the movie, Major League: “Who are these fuckin’ guys?” Exactly!

Top Talent and a Bargain to Boot!

Some of you were able to fill-out your roster and get a deal at the same time. Below are the five (5) top-deals from the draft. A “deal” is computed by taking the CBS Sportsline “recommended” price and subtracting the price actually paid:

Edgerrin James (net +$18): The recommended value was $24 (what are they smoking – for this over the hill has-been, on ARIZONA?!?), but Legion de la Mort was able to add the Edge for a mere $6 – way to go! Although, some think he’s too expensive at that price. Beware those Medicare co-pays, I hear they’re murder!

Jamal Lewis (net +$19): The recommended retail price of Jamal Lewis was $34, making him the top-level of the bargain bin – The Drunken Punks dug deep for a coupon and picked-up Lewis for only $15. Savvy!

Brandon Jacobs (net +$19): Another Drunken Punks steal! The recommended price was $30, but Roecker grabbed him for $10. At two (2) bargain basement players, Roecker spotted the blue light specials better than any other owner.

Kevin Smith (net +$19): Big Russ nominated Smith for $1, and picked him up a short time later for $3. Sportsline thought he might go for as much as $22, but what do they know? Smith will have to get used to the budget lifestyle: Big Russ uniforms are actually Oakland Raider mis-prints (nearly all players will be wearing 1999 Rich Cannon jerseys – lousy telephone connection).

…and the top deal, Darren McFadden (net +$23): Fast Eddie’s Hired Goons only paid $7 for this Oakland running back, his suggested retail value of $30 be damned! Sadly, no evidence can be found of a wise investment of the $23 McFadden savings.

The Price is Right!

Not all the deals made on draft night were good ones. Some deals were right on the money. Here’s a list of players whose draft value exactly matched the CBS Sportsline value:

Reggie Wayne ($34) – The Smokin’ Bonecrushers
Marvin Harrison ($22) – Fast Eddie’s Hired Goons
Jonathan Stewart ($10) – The Smokin’ Bonecrushers
Nick Folk ($4) – DC Duffmen
Jacksonville Defense ($4) – Fast Eddie’s Hired Goons
Seattle Defense ($4) – Big Russ
Mason Crosby ($2) – The Smokin’ Bonecrushers
Buffalo Defense ($2) – The Drunken Punks
Philadelphia Defense ($2) – The Smokin’ Bonecrushers
Shayne Graham ($2) – Costco Shoppers
Neil Rackers ($2) – The Ball Busters

The Smokin’ Bonecrushers were the best team in this category, drafting 25% of his team at the exact recommended value. If Wheeler showed that kind of discipline in any other facet of his life, whoa – imagine what he might accomplish (I’m guessing pants-on for work, but that might be a far-stretch).

Made of Money

You knew it was coming, the examination of you and your stupidity. Some of you just had to have some of that sweet sweet action. So much, that you were willing to over-pay for it! Most of the rest of us will wonder, was it worth the extra money? Well, only the execution of the season will tell for sure, but over-paying for these scrubs was probably not a good example of professional-level fiduciary responsibility.

Steven Jackson (net -$10): Sportline said $60, but The Ball Busters said $70. In the end, Rich was granted access to Jackson because he was oh so willing to pay for it… What else does Rich need to pay for?

Joseph Addai (net -$11): Long Eared Loungers paid $63 for a running back worth only $52. Was that a smart move? Well, the Loungers also drafted seven (7) and only three (3) running backs…

Minnesota Defense (net -$12): Legion de la Mort paid $18 for a defense worth only $6. Not only is that a $12 overage, but that’s THREE TIMES the value! Just when you thought they were paying our government employees too much, you’re proven right by Troy “The Spendy” Snethen and his gold-plated Legion de la VIP Club!

Adrian Peterson (net -$13): Big Russ just had to have Purple Jesus, and he opened the wallet to prove it. Peterson’s recommended value was $62, but Ruszkowski paid $75 – making Peterson the highest paid player in the league. If that ACL doesn’t hold-up…

…and the top spendthrift, Tom Brady (net -$24): Legion de la Mort again shows that he just can’t control himself when it comes to sweaty young men on the auction block. Between Brady and the Minnesota Defense, Legion de la Mort has overspent by $36 – that’s enough for a Terrell Owens or a Derek (Horseballs) Anderson.